And I’m going to say this as nicely as I know how because it’s Good Friday and all, but come on.
Nice fucking savior.
Seriously?
This is your guy, here?
I’m the son of God.
Fuck that, I’m the Son of God, right? Stay with me. Here’s God, made the entire universe, everything in it.
God.
And here’s me,; I’m sorry, here’s Me, his actual physical Son, walking around on Earth. God’s son, water to wine, loaves and fishes, blind can see, and a couple of rabbis? A couple of rabbis with fucking hammers start coming at me, yammering around, starting shit.
Ok and seriously no disrespect here, but do you think I let myself get nailed to a cross? I’m the Son of fucking God over here, I can walk on water and raise the dead and I’m going to let you nail my hands and fucking feet to a board? Yeah, no, no I don’t think so. I don’t, shit I don’t know, shoot lasers out of my eyes or something? Fly away? Turn into a T-Rex? Do fucking something, for crying out loud, and yeah I almost said for Christ’s sake.
Seriously, guy, I’m sorry but I could get nailed to a cross you know? It’d be pretty fucking easy and I can think of about twelve people off the top of my fucking head who’d love to do it. And they’re not even rabbis. Me and just about everybody I know could get killed pretty fucking easy, but what I couldn’t do is shoot wolverines out of my arms or turn my fists into snakes and fucking snake-fist the shit out of everybody.
YAHH!! YAHH!!! FSST!! FSST!!!!
That’s some Son of God shit right there, you ask me.
But that’s fine, you do what you have to do. Go make a chocolate rabbit and bring it back to life or hide it or whatever it is you do. It’s fine. Bring me back a marshmallow.
5 Comments
I don’t usually talk about religion among polite company, but with all due respect Mr. Chinese Kissing Machine, did you know that Jesus was actually glued to the cross and not nailed?
I’m not really sure which way that cuts in the way of your argument, but I thought you would want to know.
I don’t usually talk about religion among polite company, but with all due respect, Mr. Chinese Kissing Machine, did you know that Jesus was actually glued to the cross and not nailed?
I’m not really sure which way that cuts in the way of your argument, but I thought you would want to know.
I am a huge, huge fan of yours, and I am wondering when Red Hot Dogs, White Gravy is coming out. Please don’t say next month or next year because that is way too fucking long to wait.
Good question Ted. We are looking at a late summer release and by we I mean you and I. We are looking at it now. Do you see it? It is huddled behind that tree. Not that one, THAT one. Do you think it is scared? How’s come?
We, and by we, I also mean you and I, DO see it, and are very excited and not at all scared. The only scary thing about this whole fucking thing is waiting until late summer. I’m sure you understand what we mean when we say that.